Shared Haunts
by kaneki-coffee
Summary: Kaneki can't sleep because the nightmares are haunting him, but Amon comforts him.


Amon woke to the cold air brushing against his bare skin, causing him to shiver and draw the bedsheets closer around himself. He yawned and stretched his legs, rolling over slowly to drape himself over Kaneki, but his body met empty space. Confused, he blinked sleepily, opening his eyes to search for his partner.

"Kaneki?" His soft whisper carried across the small room, carried by the cold breeze that blew from the open window. Amon squinted, staring at the moon outside as his eyes adjusted to the dark. Something was near the window, a small, dark silhouette that didn't move. Amon tensed, sucking in his breath as he leaned closer, waiting for the shape to clear. The room lightened, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"What are you doing over there, Kaneki?"

"Sorry to wake you, Koutarou. I just…I couldn't sleep." Kaneki closed the window with a soft click before turning to face Amon. The breeze immediately stopped, and the air thickened, blanketing the room in a sticky heat.

Amon shrugged off the sheets to sit upright, placing his feet onto the cool floor. "You can leave the window open if you'd like. It's pretty humid." He ran a hand through his hair, looking away from Kaneki. Dammit, that wasn't what he wanted to say. What was he doing? He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and tried again. "You didn't wake me, although you should've. Why can't you sleep?"

Kaneki lifted the window open slightly once again, leaning against the wall and sliding down to sit on the floor. "It's nothing. Honest. You should go back to sleep." He turned his face away, staring blankly into a dark corner of the room.

"Kaneki." Amon rose from the bed, and padded across the wooden floor to crouch in front of Kaneki. The floorboards creaked under his weight, but Kaneki didn't shift his gaze. Amon sighed, and raised a hand to ruffle Kaneki's white hair. "You know I'm here for you, right?" He cupped Kaneki's face in his hand, thumb tracing invisible patterns on his cheek. "I want to help you."

Kaneki glanced to Amon, allowing a small smile to grace his lips. "I know that, Koutarou. I just–I don't want to worry you. You already deal with so much during the day, why should I take up your nights as well? You need your sleep."

Amon huffed and scooted across the floor to sit besides Kaneki, his back pressed up against the wall. It felt cool against his skin, causing him to shiver. "But so do you," he replied with a faint grin, elbowing Kaneki softly.

Kaneki let out a small laugh, twisting his hands together in his lap. He refused to meet Amon's eyes. "I haven't slept in so long. It's like I've forgotten how."

Amon took Kaneki's hands in his own, calming them. He watched Kaneki's turned face worriedly. "What's wrong, Kaneki? Why can't you sleep?"

Kaneki pulled his hands free, setting them on the floor. His fingers tapped against the floor nervously as he worked up the nerve to speak, slowly inching their way until they touched his toes. Amon watched silently, waiting. "I just…I have these nightmares," Kaneki finally said, voice cracking. "Every night. It's always the same thing, and I can't watch it anymore. I can't." His small body shuddered as he struggled for air, leaning into Amon.

Amon raised an arm to wrap around Kaneki, embracing his small form. He didn't know how else to comfort him. He wasn't in his element here, but he wanted to help. This was Kaneki. He leaned closer, letting his scent envelope Kaneki. "What can't you watch? What do you see?"

Kaneki's fingers curled around his toes, knuckles whitening. "That ghoul, Jason. He's laughing at me, laughing as I scream." He let out a dry sob that racked his body. "I can't move. He's pulling at me, pulling and prodding and poking and I _can't_ _move,_ I can't get away, I'm stuck in this room with my blood on the floor and my toes—" Kaneki stopped mid sentence and threw his head back, closing his eyes. A broken whisper escaped his lips, a whisper Amon strained to hear. "I just don't want to see it anymore."

Amon reached across Kaneki, plucking his hands from his feet. His toes were bright red with scratch marks, but they faded quickly.

"They all do that," Kaneki whispered, staring. "They all disappear. It makes it hard to believe that anything happened. It's like one big nightmare I can't get out of."

Amon thumbed Kaneki's palm, bringing it to his lips to kiss gently. "You don't need scars for it to be real, Kaneki. Your pain was real. _You_ are real. I…I'm not too good with words." He shifted, lifting Kaneki to sit in front of him. Kaneki leaned back, the fabric of his large shirt rubbing against Amon's bare chest, distracting him. Amon coughed into his hand, searched for the right words. "I don't want to see you in pain. I—I care for you, Kaneki."

Kaneki pursed his lips to keep from smiling. He rubbed tears from his eyes and glanced up to meet Amon's gaze. "I care for you too, Koutarou. Thank you. For everything. You're too good for me."

Amon shook his head. "I don't do anything though. I mean, I almost slept through this. You always deal with everything on your own. It's why I love you, don't get me wrong. You're always so strong. You're stronger than anybody I've ever met." He kissed the top of Kaneki's head, and Kaneki felt his cheeks warm in happiness. "But…isn't it better if we share?" He stumbled across his words, shaking his head more. "I mean, we're partners. I want to help you. I want to be there for you, anytime, anyplace. I want you to rely on me."

"I do rely on you," Kaneki assured, twisting out of Amon's embrace to kneel in front of him. "I need you. Just seeing you calms me down. Ever since I escaped that…place…I've always been afraid that I would wake up tied to that chair. Whenever I'm outside, walking by myself, I've always been afraid that Jason would walk around the next corner. But I feel safe when I'm with you. I don't feel hunted, I don't feel scared." He leaned forward to kiss Amon's forehead gently. "You make me feel like life is worth living."

Amon smiled, a rare small smile that nobody really saw. "Do you want to try sleeping again?"

Kaneki smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "I don't think I can go to sleep again tonight."

"That's fine. I won't either." Amon stood up, placing a hand on his knee as he reached out to Kaneki. Kaneki took it, hauling himself up and launching himself into an embrace.

Amon staggered back into the wall, surprised. "Kaneki?" he asked in alarm, his hands raised in the air awkwardly.

"Thank you," Kaneki whispered, burying his head in Amon's chest. "I mean it."

Amon lowered his hands to carefully wrap around Kaneki's shoulders. He knew Kaneki was strong, but he always felt so delicate in moments like this. Amon didn't want to break him, although he knew if he said that out loud, Kaneki would protest. Amon smiled at the thought of Kaneki's pout, cheeks puffed, hands on hips, and trying to stare down Amon despite the height difference. He stifled a laugh.

Kaneki pulled away, staring up at Amon warily, sensing the reason for the muffled laughter. "Should I ask?"

"Probably not," Amon coughed, trying to regain his composure.

Kaneki rolled his eyes. "I try to have a serious moment, see what happens. I should've known better." He laughed and pulled Amon to the bed, tugging his hand. Amon followed wordlessly, slipping under the sheets and wrapping Kaneki in his arms. Kaneki hummed softly, pleased and warmed. The pillow was cool on Amon's cheek, and he curled against Kaneki's body, feeling at home.

"Koutarou?" Kaneki asked softly, his breath tickling the back of Amon's hand. His hands played with the edge of his shirt nervously.

"Mmm?"

"What are your nightmares?"

Amon rolled onto his back, a hand clutching the cross that always hung across his neck. "I don't remember them really."

Kaneki humphed and twisted to roll on top of Amon, propping his chin up with his hands. His elbows dug uncomfortably into Amon's chest. "But…isn't it better if we share?" he asked dryly, quoting Amon. "I'm not the only one in this relationship that has a problem with sharing, Koutarou."

"I just don't think it matters. Close your eyes. You should try to sleep at least."

"Koutarou. I will smack you." Amon raised an eyebrow. "Alright, that wasn't much of a threat. But seriously." He yawned sleepily and obediently closed his eyes, snuggling closer.

Amon sighed and ran a hand over his face, starting slowly. "Well, I had a bad time growing up. I was raised by a ghoul, you know? He was a priest, and I walked in on him eating a kid. It was hard." He paused, expecting Kaneki to respond. Kaneki only hummed unhappily, wrapping his arms around Amon's neck.

Amon continued. "I'm over it now, but that doesn't mean the dreams don't stop." He let go of his necklace and wrapped his arms around Kaneki. "I've seen a lot of friends die in the field of duty. In front of my eyes. I wasn't strong enough to protect them. I watched their blood wash over the ground. I _walked_ in their blood. I was the one who told their families, if they even had any. Sometimes the dreams are of their kids, crying on the doorstep. Other times, I'm stuck in place and watching everyone die. They're just nightmares. I try not to think of them." His voice grew quiet, trailing into silence as he listened to the steady beat of a tree branch beating against the outside wall.

Kaneki stayed silent, his body rising and falling with every breath Amon took.

"It's not like I blame the ghouls, Kaneki," Amon continued, worried. "We attacked them, they fought back. They need to eat, I understand that. But I can't control my own nightmares." He waited—no response. "Kaneki, are you upset with me?" Amon lifted his head. "Kaneki?"

Kaneki, eyes closed, did not respond. He released a small puff of breath and curled inward, still balancing on top of Amon.

Amon watched in disbelief. "Didn't you just say you couldn't go back to sleep?" he whispered fiercely. No answer. He threw his head back down, plopping onto his pillow with a strangled sigh. Running a hand over his eyes again, he laughed to himself. "I cannot believe you." He shrugged Kaneki off his chest gently to lay next to him, once again enveloping him in his arms and thrusting his chin into the arch between his shoulder and neck. He inhaled deeply, sighing. Talking about the nightmares had flipped a switch in his brain it seemed. He felt the need to get up and work out, to burn off the energy and hopefully the thoughts of blood. But Kaneki was sleeping for the first time in so long. He exhaled and closed his eyes. He would stay for Kaneki.


End file.
